By: Terry Burgess, Midlife Coach for Men
Dealing with your own midlife crisis is challenging. However, it is more difficult when it’s your spouse’s midlife challenge. Often, it causes a great strain on your marriage and family life.
This is because it is not wise to obsess over your spouse’s behavior and thought processes. You cannot control your spouse and those areas. However, you can control your response and your support of his journey through his midlife crisis. You need to focus on yourself and not your spouse’s problems. You need to remain positive for both of your journeys through their midlife crisis. If you are negative it can truly harm your marriage. Therefore, look for the silver linings in the journey.
Here are four tips to help you from becoming victims from your spouse’s midlife crisis and be supportive at the same time.
- Focus on Yourself and Your Children (if applicable)
Occupy your time with activities to distract you from your spouse’s behavior. You may want to do things with your children outside the home if there is tension and conflict within the home. If there are anger issues develop healthy ways to address them so they do not become larger problems for your family.
- Set Boundaries with Your Spouse
If your spouse’s behavior is causing great stress in your life, such as their cheating, let them know it may be part of their life but you do not want it to intrude into your life. Express your desire to not know anything about their “other” life and you in return will not interfere not bring conflict into the picture. Let your spouse know this may just be a phase of life or something more serious but you still care and support them as they work through the issues.
- Let your Spouse Initiate Relationship Conversations
You may want to address the issues your spouse’s midlife crisis has had upon your marriage. However, let your spouse initiate the conversation. This will help prevent your spouse from feeling he/she is being confronted/attacked and becoming defensive.
- Do What is Necessary and Right for You
You may need to have a coach or counselor to help you with dealing with the issues of dealing with your spouse’s midlife crisis. You will need support of a good listener and wise counsel to help you navigate through the turmoil of your spouse’s behavior. Spend time with supportive family and friends who do not judge you nor your spouse’s behavior can be very helpful. This is especially true if you are unable to resolve the issues and divorce is the outcome.
I hope these tips can help you should you ever have to deal with your spouse and their midlife crisis. Just remember to take care of yourself first and don’t allow your spouse to drag you down. You can never go wrong by being the “bigger person” and acting as a responsible adult.
If you are a person going through a midlife crisis there are individuals who can help you. I encourage to step up and get help. I know when I was going through my episode, my mentors helped me. I have become a midlife coach because I know there are people out there who need this help but do not want to approach those close to them because of fear of judgement and showing weakness.
If you are needing some help or discernment on where to go next; please feel free to contact me for a complimentary 1-hour coaching introduction. I can help you develop a simple starting point plan to help you get on the road from your “midlife crisis” to your “midlife rediscover and redesign” for your life. You can visit http://bit.ly/SchedulewithTerry to schedule you complimentary coaching hour!
Terry is a Personal Leadership and Midlife Coach for Men with Upward MC in Benton, Kentucky. He can be contacted via e-mail at Terry@upwardmc.com or by phone at 270-493-0967. His website can be found at http://www.terrypburgess.com